thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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