in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
