i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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