Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
