Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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