is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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