Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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