I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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