this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
