Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
