This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
