would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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