I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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