and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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