We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
