I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I love you. Go after that dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
