Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
