Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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