hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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