i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
