One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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