wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
