is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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