then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
