This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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