Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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