Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
