Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
