I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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