He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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