OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
