i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
