o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
