I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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