; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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