I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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