the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
