Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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