You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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