I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I didn't notice because vodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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