Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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