Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
