would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
