He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
