I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
