Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
