I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
