He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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