Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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