i jhust puked up my retainher.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
