I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
