i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
