he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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