i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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