Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
