uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was born a porn star she said
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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