you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
