You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
