i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
