He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it's like heaven, but drunker
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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