Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
