not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dear god my vagina.
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