he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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