shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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