Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
