i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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