You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
don't judge my taste in strippers
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
