the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
