Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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