I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
