Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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