So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
