how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
His nipple licking is glorious
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