i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize