you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
