Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He felt like a one man threesome
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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