Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
