Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Found the puke drawer
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
