no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
