2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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