You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
