I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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