my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
