apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize