She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
