Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
