Small penises have feelings too.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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