I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
