Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
