Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
