You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
