i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize