Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
