We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
