I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
