Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
