He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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