I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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