did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
