remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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