I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
