omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
