dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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