is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
