Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
