White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
