I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You are the jesus of drinking
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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