worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
