Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
