So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We're too hungover to prance.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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