I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
