she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
