so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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