I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
