Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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