I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
